Owning my tears

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Warning: this post may be a bit of a downer. Bear with me. Or is it ‘bare’? Nah, that sounds like an invitation for nudity. I’ll stick with ‘bear’ (unless you’re into that kind of thing. No judgement).

Husband flew out yesterday. And I think I’ve stopped crying.

I didn’t anticipate being so emotional. I mean, it’s less than three weeks away and I know that is the everyday reality for some families. Some families deal with fly-in-fly-out rosters, or huge commutes, or are separated by oceans. I have a dear friend whose husband in the RAAF who regularly spends huge chunks of time away. So I know it could be worse. But dammit, let me have my tears for one day.

I’ve been oscillating between emotions all week – denial, fear, enthusiasm to the point of martyrdom and (if I’m really honest), a touch of resentment and jealousy. There’s only so many times a day you can answer “so why aren’t you going?” before you start to feel sorry for yourself.

But yesterday I just wanted to be sad. Sad for him, because he’ll miss the boys like crazy. Sad for my boys, who haven’t yet realized how long he’s gone for. And sad for myself, because I’m already missing him and missing the dynamic of our little family. We’ve never been apart this long.

We’ll get there, we’ll all be fine. Once he lands, once we Skype, once we hear his voice and know he is safe. Once the photos of all the amazing things he is seeing start trickling through on the iCloud stream (don’t you just love technology?). But yesterday I just needed to be sad.

Article written by Tuesdaykim

8 Responses

  1. Rach
    Rach at | | Reply

    Aw, Kim. I don’t think it’s self indulgent to admit you feel sad and you’re missing your man! I think it is lovely that you have that kind of relationship, the kind where absence makes the heart grow even fonder. Sorry you are sad though, cause that is never fun. Wishing you some happy skyping soon. 🙂

  2. Jeanette
    Jeanette at | | Reply

    It’s ok to be sad. Three weeks is a long time! ps. I love gingers too so I married one!

  3. Bel
    Bel at | | Reply

    I have the same discussion in my head re bear/bare every time I use the word in that way. I feel for you- my children are away for 10 days with grandparents and my husband is heading O/S for work in a week. I’m seriously mopey and its only going to get worse with me, I’m afraid.

  4. Peachy Keen Mumma
    Peachy Keen Mumma at | | Reply

    I have a terrible memory. I don’t think I realised you live in Newcastle like me. Cool beans – I saw you on Newcastlewrites.com
    I couldn’t handle being away from my husband for 3 weeks! HOW hard is that. Cry away lovely!

  5. Ducky
    Ducky at | | Reply

    Awwww sorry I read this late! Beautifully put and a lot of it resonated with me… And you’re allowed to be sad! For the entire 3 weeks if you want! It’s hard!

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